MANDY'S MONTHLY CONTEST
Congratulations to Sharon Varricchio. She's the winner of my June contest. I'll be sending her a signed copy of ENCHANT THE DAWN, and assorted bookmarks.
The prize for July will be a signed copy of TWILIGHT DREAMS and assorted bookmarks.
HAPPY SUMMER
Laughs
Due to my time alone, I finished three books yesterday. And believe me, that's a lot of coloring.
What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.
There's nothing scarier than that split second when you lose your balance in the shower and you think, "They are going to find me naked!"
Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.
Struggling to get your wife's attention? Just sit down and look comfortable.
Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time.
I grew up with Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now there's no jobs, no cash, and no hope. Please don't let anything happen to Kevin Bacon.
Shout-out to everyone who can still remember their childhood phone number but can't remember the password they created yesterday. You are my people.
One minute you're young and fun. And next, you're turning down the stereo in your car to see better.
Think you're old and you will be old. Think you are young, and you will be delusional.
Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave—I'd say I'm having a good day.
WORDS OF WISDOM
Orators from the distant past:
"One man with courage makes a majority."
Andrew Jackson
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country"
John F. Kennedy
MORE RECENT GEMS of wisdom:
"It depends what your definition of 'is' is?''
William Jefferson Clinton
"Those rumors are false. I believe in the sanctity of marriage"
John Edwards
"Gorsuch isn't fit to serve because he uses law and not emotions."
Kamala Harris
"What difference does it make?" (re: Benghazi)
Hillary Clinton
"I invented the Internet."
Al Gore
"America is, is no longer, uh, what it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was, uh, and I say to myself, uh, I don't want that future, uh, for my children."
Barack Obama
"I have campaigned in all 57 states."
Barack Obama (2008)
"You don't need God anymore; you have us Democrats."
Nancy Pelosi (2006)
"Paying taxes is voluntary."
Sen. Harry Reid
"Homicide is the leading cause of murder."
Rep. Sheila Jackson
"No ordinary American cares about Constitutional rights."
Joe Biden
"Having an abortion is no different than having one's tonsils removed."
Elizabeth Warren
"Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution."
Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (2018)
"Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he is."
Hillary Rodham-Clinton (1998)
"You have a business, you didn't build that. Someone else did!"
Barack Obama (2012)
"Social Security has nothing to do with the deficit."
Bernie Sanders
And the most ridiculous gem of wisdom, from the Mother superior of STUPID: "We just have to pass Obama's Healthcare Bill to see what's in it."
Nancy Pelosi (March 2010)
"My fear is if North Korea nukes us, Trump is gonna get us into a war."
Maxine Waters (2017)