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Congratulations to Kathryn Carte. She's the winner of my August contest.  I'll be sending her an autographed copy of NIGHT'S SURRENDER and assorted bookmarks. 


The prize for September will be a signed copy of A FIRE IN THE BLOOD,  and assorted bookmarks.


Some humor for (and about) mature adults:


When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.


To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.


When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.


Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself."

Me: "I'd rather not. I kinda want this job"


Cop: "Please step out of the car."

Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in."


I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.


I had my patience tested. I'm negative.


Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.


If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say "Did you bring the money?"


When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.


Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 PM is new midnight.


I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.


I run like the winded.


I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.


When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"


I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.


When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?


I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.


When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."


Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.


That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.


Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.


The older I get, the earlier it gets late.






"Never knock on Death's door. Ring the  bell and run...he hates that."


* * *

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.


* * *

Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.

John Wayne


* * *


The most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." Ronald Reagan


* * *

I am constantly reminded of Alexander the Great's famous quote,

"I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep;

I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion."

America always must be led by a lion with a vision of peace through strength.

Rep. Allen West


* * *

"He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else."

Benjamin Franklin


* * *

If you think a theater filled with unarmed people against a lone gunman is scary, imagine a disarmed populace against a tyrannical government.


* * *

 To conquer a nation, first disarm its citizens." Adolph Hitler


* * *

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him --- better take a closer look at the American Indian."


* * *

Freedom is not free.....but the U. S. Military will pay most of your share.


* * *

Good things come to those who wait

Better things come to those who work for it


* * *

When life hands you lemons – throw them back and demand cookies!


* * *

The difference between real life and fiction is that fiction has to make sense.

Tom Clancy


* * *

'No arsenal, no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.'
Ronald Reagan


* * *

Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines


* * *

Next time you're going through hell, keep going.

Albert Einstein


* * * 

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.


* * *

When You Call, God May Not Respond Right Away, But He's Never Late.


 Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.


* * *

If you have not chosen the kingdom of God first, it will make no difference, in the end, what else you have chosen.


* * *

Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines