MANDY'S SEPTEMBER CONTEST
Congratulations to Kathryn Carte. She's the winner of my August contest. I'll be sending her an autographed copy of NIGHT'S SURRENDER and assorted bookmarks.
The prize for September will be a signed copy of A FIRE IN THE BLOOD, and assorted bookmarks.
Some humor for (and about) mature adults:
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself."
Me: "I'd rather not. I kinda want this job"
Cop: "Please step out of the car."
Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in."
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say "Did you bring the money?"
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 PM is new midnight.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded.
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
MISCELLANEOUS QUOTES.....
"Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run...he hates that."
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Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.
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Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.
John Wayne
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The most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." Ronald Reagan
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I am constantly reminded of Alexander the Great's famous quote,
"I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep;
I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion."
America always must be led by a lion with a vision of peace through strength.
Rep. Allen West
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"He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else."
Benjamin Franklin
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If you think a theater filled with unarmed people against a lone gunman is scary, imagine a disarmed populace against a tyrannical government.
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To conquer a nation, first disarm its citizens." Adolph Hitler
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Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him --- better take a closer look at the American Indian."
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Freedom is not free.....but the U. S. Military will pay most of your share.
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Good things come to those who wait
Better things come to those who work for it
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When life hands you lemons – throw them back and demand cookies!
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The difference between real life and fiction is that fiction has to make sense.
Tom Clancy
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'No arsenal, no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.'
Ronald Reagan
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Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines
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Next time you're going through hell, keep going.
Albert Einstein
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If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.
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When You Call, God May Not Respond Right Away, But He's Never Late.
Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
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If you have not chosen the kingdom of God first, it will make no difference, in the end, what else you have chosen.
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Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines